I have a confession.
I've wasted too much time in my life looking for validation from other people. Am I smart enough? Am I a good person? Am I a good mom? Am I good writer?
It's normal to want praise--a few words about how other see and appreciate us and what we're doing. Some of us thrive on it. I think that's why it's so easy for me to give praise and motivation to others. I need it; so I assume others might need it, too.
But I've spent way too much time seeking validation.
I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of the majority of decisions I've made. I'm proud of how I treat people. Do I think I'm perfect? Absolutely not. But I think I'm a good person. And that has to be enough right now.
I'm trying to get my life in order again because it's difficult for me to function in chaos. I'm the girl that can't go to sleep in an unmade bed. I will literally MAKE the bed, then pull down the covers and get in. And when life is chaotic, I get off track. I start seeking validation from others. Instead of jumping in quick and getting out, I live in that place. I grab a cozy fleece blanket and snuggle up in a place of acceptance and love. A place where I feel comfortable and safe...
But living life isn't safe--it's uncertain. It's a big fat question mark. It's the cliffhanger at the end of every chapter. Because we literally have no clue what's coming at us tomorrow.
Maybe that's why I chose to be an author. I like having control over someone's life from beginning to end. I like knowing exactly how the story goes--the ups and downs. The Big Black Moment and Happily Ever After---or Happily Ever After For Now. Okay, that sounds super weird. I like having fictional control over fictional lives. I'm not (nor do I want to be) a puppet master in real life. My poor children...
It gives me a sense of calm to be able to create realistic characters who may start out broken and afraid--yet who see their worth by the end of the story. They see that they deserve to have a good life if they live a good life.
I need to look at my own life from the eyes of my characters.
I've been so caught up--and drained--by things I can't control. Decisions made. Starting over. I've been depressed and lost, desperately searching for validation from others. I've needed the praise. I've needed someone to want me. I've lost my focus on what's most important.
The only person who will truly ever be able to give me the validation I'm looking for...is ME. Like my characters, I have to realize I have worth. Not because someone tells me I do, but because I believe it. It's not easy. But it's the only way I can move forward and make the best life for myself and my kids.
Am I smart enough? Yes.
Am I a good person? Yes.
Am I a good mom? Yes.
Am I good writer? Yes.
Validation from inside. It's not bragging. It's not being cocky. It's believing in myself.
New series announcement
I will release the three-book MATERIAL GIRLS series in 2018.
The series, set in Charlotte, NC, follows the daughters of Harris Commons,
the founder of a Southern department store chain.
MATERIAL GIRLS will be heartfelt and flirty, sweet and sexy -
everything readers have come to expect and enjoy from my books.
I'm excited to blast off into this new chapter. Thank you for coming along for the ride!